Do You Realize?

Before I start, look up and listen to the song 'Do You Realize' by the Flaming Lips. Its amazing.

One more thing before I start: I am not talking about anyone. I will not say names, I will not give any details further than what I'm about to post. I am simply posting the facts as I recall them. Do NOT accuse me of speaking about anyone in this blog, because I'm not going to.

Now, then -- today sucked. Well, the first half rocked to the point of pure totalsuperawesomeness, (new word) but the second half was terrible, so I'm going to start with that. I'll post all the happy stuff tomorrow or something. I'd mess it up now because I'm so ticked off right now. It'll be great, I promise. I have a list and everything.

So it all started at lunch. Fast forward through the first half of lunch, because that was normal. Near the end of the normalness Kayla came over to our table and told me that someone who had threatened her earlier in the day was in our lunch and had said something to her again. She was really ticked off and went over to the other side of the commons to stand with her boyfriend.

After everyone else at our table was done eating Eric wanted to go upstairs and walk around, but I wanted to check on Kayla and make sure she wasn't about to do something stupid first. I went over to her and she was talking to her boyfriend and a few other people about how the other girl was talking about her. We could clearly see the other girl nearby talking to her friends -I use the term 'friends' loosely, you'll find out why soon- and pointing at Kayla.

After a few minutes of this Kayla went over to talk to the other girl. Me and some other people tried to stop her, but she went over there and within a few seconds they were screaming at each other. People started to watch and a bunch of people came over to stand around them. Everyone was screaming. I know that the officers and teachers in the commons at the time knew exactly what was going to happen, but the congregation and screaming went on for at least another minute. And then they started fighting. It was only for a minute and I couldn't see all of it because I'm such a midget, but from what I did see they went at it, Kayla got pushed down, and then the teachers and cops got involved. Before that, though, nobody tried to stop it.

It was like as soon as the screaming started all bonds of loyalty were broken and no one had friends, everyone just wanted to see someone get hurt. Kayla's boyfriend and our other friends were all standing there provoking her and the other girl's friends were doing the same. People were actually cheering, like it was a football game and not a fight. Kayla and the other girl were escorted out of the commons my the police and I haven't seen Kayla since.

After they left I went and stood with Ben, Eric, Kayla's boyfriend and a few other people. They were all excited and happy, like something good had just happened. I screamed at all of them. I was mostly mad at Kayla's boyfriend. She really likes him and he pushed her to basically screw up everything. He's a jerk. I was kind of mad at Eric for not at least trying to stop it, but I understand that he didn't want to get into it. Just because he's my and Kayla's getaway driver doesn't mean he can stop her -or me, I guess- from doing something we've set our minds to. I just wish it hadn't happened, that's all.

While I was walking back to Algebra with Ben there was another fight in the hallway, and apparently there was another one going on while Kayla and that other girl were fighting. Its completely ridiculous. And everyone was all excited because third lunch hadn't had a fight this year until today. It was like the freaking jungle. Everyone was screaming. I'm completely disgusted. I don't get how people can find that entertaining. Maybe its because I had enough of the fighting and violence when I was at Midway last year. I don't know. What I do know, though, is that some people are completely soulless and stupid.

I ranted to Eric for the rest of Algebra. When I was on my way to gym one of my friends -well, I suppose ex friend now- was walking in front of me and talking about the fights. That was all anyone was talking about. Absolutely disgusting. She saw me and said, "Your friend got her ass beat." I replied with, "Yeah, I know. You don't need to remind me," and walked away. I got into gym and started talking to Kelly and the girl that I'd just talked to comes up to me and wants to know why I'm 'getting an attitude with her' because all she said was that my friend got her ass kicked, I shouldn't be pissed (ok, that's paraphrased a little bit, but that was what she was trying to say.) Ugh. I told her to stop talking about Kayla and then we got into a little bit of a shouting match. Whatever. I seriously didn't care at that point because I was so totally pissed off.

After that I went to go change with Kelly and Emily. Ashlie is still pissed off at me, and she was showing it. I probably would have reveled in her obnoxiousness if all this other drama wasn't going on. One of the blondes -gag- asked me why I was fighting with that other girl, and I told her nothing happened, but she asked me again so I told her that I was mad at the other girl and all of the other Goddamn disgusting people that were so excited that there had been so many fights. Then the blond and her surrounding friends got mad at me for saying Goddamn. I muttered "Its called free speech" and someone told me to keep my free speech to myself. Uhm, hello? Oxymoronic (semi-made up word) phrase, much? Free speech means speaking freely, which is exactly what I was doing. I really don't care if it pisses you off, you filthy hypocrites. People always gets all morally offended if someone says Goddamn, then goes around breaking nearly every commandment and principle of Christianity that they can. What happened to "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" and all that other stuff?

So after that I changed and was going to leave, when the girl that had yelled at me before gym came up to me and got up in my face accusing me of talking about her. I explained to her that I didn't say anything about her and that I didn't want a fight, and then I left. While I was on my way out of the locker room I realized that I should probably just call Mom and go home. Right as I was turning around to get my phone and call her, that girl was back in my face because someone told her that while I was walking away I called her a pig, and apparently she heard it. I found that funny for about half a second, because I had been very careful to not open my mouth at all. (Oh! Here's another one for all you hypocrites out there: "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. Ring a bell?) I told her that I didn't say anything and went to get my phone. I called Mom and told her that I needed her to pick me up, and then changed back into my clothes and went to wait for her to get to school. The ten minutes it took for her to get there and check me out were just about the ten most stressful minutes of my life. I was almost sure that I was going to get my ass kicked before Mom showed up.

So yeah, I'm a wimp. I know I am. I try to avoid conflict at all costs for two reasons. One: I can't fight worth a damn. And two: I've tried the whole assertiveness thing. It didn't work out too well for me. To quote one of my friends: "you can't be assertive for anything lol". Yeah, that's about right. Its truly pathetic, but I really don't care. I'd rather be pathetic than incarcerated.

That's it, I suppose. Monday is going to be absolutely horrible. Oh well. Maybe I'll finally get somewhere in Jane Eyre if no one is speaking to me...

xo
Helen