Wednesday, November 21, 2007


So today..Lots of fun.

The wrestling match was just like I thought it would be. I sat with Jonathan, Emily, Destinie, Scott, and Veronica and made so many gay sex jokes that I don't even remember half of them. I took a picture of the match and about 200 of my friends and I, but I didn't realize until I got home that green is SO not my color, so those have been confiscated in the interest of public safety.

When I got home I totally pigged out on pizza -just a little practice for tomorrow. I have decided, though, that its ok, because the Thanksgiving scientists have devised an ingenious system: You stuff your face to the point of pure unadulterated gluttony on Thursday, and then on Friday you wake up at some ungodly hour with all of the other crazy people and go shopping. While shopping, you encounter many obstacles -severe lack of parking spaces, long lines, aggressive housewives determined to get Tickle Me Elmo- that force you to walk, jog, and run all over creation, hence burning all of the calories that you consumed on Thursday. In fact, you can even stop by Starbucks and pick up a drink with more whipped cream and chocolate in it than actual coffee without guilt. It is pure genius. I bet Oprah has something to do with it.

I suppose I should explain my 'Oprah is God' theory. It all started a few months ago when Mom and I were bored, as many great ideas do. I don't remember exactly how it came about, but here is the logic behind it.

Oprah makes things happen. She basically created now-celebrities Dr. Phil and Rachael Ray. She has gotten people green cards, new houses, makeovers, and new lives. This and some other little things -including the fact that the whole theory ticks off Dad- led to our realization that Oprah is God. So Ellen DeGeneres was absolutely right.

Now, this doesn't mean that I don't find Oprah obnoxious. I find all talk show hosts obnoxious on some level. They think that having an hour long time slot with their name on it purchased from a broadcasting network makes them hot stuff, but it really isn't the case. They're still people. They're just people with TV shows named after them and more money than the average American will ever see. But that doesn't make them hot stuff. Bill Gates is hot stuff. 'Nuff said.

And finally, be sure to go to to see how you can send words of encouragement to US troops stationed around the world via text messages. Most major service providers have agreed to make the messages free, so get to it!

And with that, I'm going to bed. I have a lot to eat tomorrow, and I'll need my strength. Good night and have a happy Thanksgiving.


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